


Something Off

by megastarstrike



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Bad Pick-Up Lines, Despair Disease (Dangan Ronpa), Fluff, M/M, thats actually just the flirtatious disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 10:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15435048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megastarstrike/pseuds/megastarstrike
Summary: There was something off about the air in the classroom that morning, and there was certainly something off about the way everyone was crowding around Shuuichi, whose face was paler than a sheet of paper. The crowd’s laughter was off, and Kokichi couldn’t help but feel as if something terrible was about to happen.And he was right. Because before he knew it, he found himself engaged in a full-scale flirt war with his crush.





	Something Off

**Author's Note:**

> for the @saioumaexchange for recipient #31, who asked for “Fluff, happy end and non-despair AU (because despair is saaad T-T). I like when Kokichi shows some shyness to Shuichi. Also I prefer Saiouma than Oumasai because I don’t see Kokichi act like a seme.” This is also based off @iimojin ‘s version of the flirtatious disease on tumblr so please give that blog some love. and exchange guy, if youre reading this, thanks for arranging the event <3\. S/O to tackycrows for betaing!

There was something off about the air in the classroom that morning, and there was certainly something off about the way everyone was crowding around Shuuichi, whose face was paler than a sheet of paper. The crowd’s laughter was off, and Kokichi couldn’t help but feel as if something terrible was about to happen. It would’ve been the perfect time to mess with everyone, but was the risk really worth the reward?

_ Yeah, I’m not getting involved with whatever that is, _ Kokichi decided as he stepped into the classroom.

Then Miu grabbed him by the scarf and pulled him back. “And where the hell do you think you’re going? You’re not even gonna give me a good morning?”

“It’s always a bad morning when you’re around,” Kokichi snickered, dodging the fist half-heartedly thrown in his direction.

“You little—Oh, whatever. You should at least go say hi to  _ your beloved Suckhara, _ don’t you think?”

Kokichi narrowed his eyes, internally cheering at the way Miu tensed under his stare. There was something off about Miu, too. For one, she was smiling way too much for someone who was nagging him and for someone who undoubtedly only got three hours of sleep last night from staying up to finish a due project. Not to mention, she wasn’t the teaser of their friend group; that role belonged to the other two idiots who hadn’t showed up yet. There was something suspicious about this morning, and Kokichi didn’t want to stick around to see it.

“Yeah, no thanks. And get your sweaty hand off me, you disgusting pig.” He was in the middle of prying her hand off his scarf and berating her for moaning in class when he was pushed to the wall and his chin was lifted up with the point of a finger to meet golden eyes.

“Hey,” Shuuichi purred through half-lidded eyes, “Good thing I brought my library card, because I’m checking you out.”

Any witty comeback forming in Kokichi’s mind wouldn’t leave his lips. His mouth opened and shut, his face heating up to a color comparable to a rose. He couldn’t breathe. Shuuichi was too close, their chests were too close, their lips were too close,  _ and they were moving closer— _

“Woah, man, too far,” Kaito said, pulling Shuuichi back.

And for once, as Kokichi gained his bearings on where he was and what was happening, he was thankful for Kaito stepping in.

Shuuichi blinked, any trace of confidence slowly eroding until his face blanked. He faced Kaito and managed to say, “Take me to the nurse,” before falling flat on the floor.

 

* * *

 

Shuuichi had despair disease, as Kokichi would later find out on a walk with Mikan, and Kokichi counted his blessings that he became friends with a nurse-in-training.

“Despair disease?” Kokichi asked, wrinkling his nose. “What kind of stupid, fake disease is that?”

“It’s—It’s not fake,” Mikan said. She paused after almost tripping over a hole in the sidewalk, putting a hand on Kokichi’s shoulder for balance. “A-A few of my classmates got it two years ago from our trip to Jabberwock Island. “One with the liar disease, another with the gullible disease, and another with the coward disease.”

Kokichi flashed her a grin. “You think I’m infected with the liar disease?”

“No. Th-The disease symptoms tend to be the opposite of the patient’s personality, i-if that makes sense.”

“Boring. Then what’s up with Saihara-chan?”

Mikan brought her hands in front of her chest in thought. “I’m—I’m not an official nurse so I can’t make a surefire diagnosis, b-but I think he has the flirtatious strain. It’s not contagious like the strains my classmates got and d-definitely isn’t as intense, but it still alters the personality to be flirtatious with people. I-It gets more intense with people they find attractive.”

The vague idea of Shuuichi finding him attractive was banished from Kokichi’s mind as soon as it came.

“So is there a cure?” Kokichi asked.

“Y-Yes. The disease goes away on its own after about a week.”

“A week? Are you sure?”

“Eek! I-I’m sorry! That might be a mistake!” She tripped on another dent in the sidewalk, this time dragging both herself and Kokichi to the ground. Tears poured out of her eyes. “I-I’m so sorry!”

Kokichi shrugged and stood up, dusting the dirt out of his clothes and pretending like his face didn’t sting. He offered a hand out to her and laughed when he was dragged back down to the dirt. “It’s fine. I like this better.”

“You… You do?”

“Yeah.” Hell no. But a little lying never hurt anyone, did it?

Mikan held a hand to her heart and giggled. “Good. B-But if you want to know more about the disease, it’s caused by the person having strong feelings for someone they believe doesn’t reciprocate their feelings.”

“... You’re joking.”

“No.”

“That’s the most cliche thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Y-You get this disease by having strong feelings for someone you believe doesn’t reciprocate your feelings,” Mikan said, “I’ve—I’ve personally heard Fukawa-san make fun of it.”

“Eh. Romance writers make fun of everything.” He sat up, peeling blades of grass off his clothes. “Who would he have feelings for though?”

Mikan’s face blanked, and she dropped her stutter. “From what happened this morning, I thought you would’ve figured it out.”

“Wah! Your face got super scary, Tsumiki-chan!”

Her face snapped back to its anxiety-ridden state. “Wh-What? It did? I-I’m so sorry!”

And if any of their classmates noticed two purple-haired idiots crying together in the courtyard, they didn’t mention it the next day.

 

* * *

 

“So fucking Suckhara goes up to the purple bitch and says this stupid ass pick up line, and it actually fucking—” Miu cut herself off upon seeing Kokichi approach their cafeteria table. “Speak of the damn devil. What’s up?”

Kokichi stared at Miu before moving his gaze to Rantarou and Tsumugi, who were struggling to keep their laughter back. “I hate you all. And that’s not a lie.”

“Sure, sure, whatever,” Rantarou laughed. He paused to let Kokichi sit down between him and Tsumugi. “So I heard Saihara-kun made a move on you yesterday.”

“That pig is a lying skank. Don’t listen to her.”

“Oh? But I heard it from Yumeno-san and Angie-san as well,” Tsumugi said.

Kokichi squinted at the seemingly innocent smug smirk on her face. There was no point in lying if they wouldn’t believe it. “Maybe, but Saihara-chan got this nasty disease called the despair disease. It’s the flirtatious strain, so it makes him flirt with everyone, not just me. Hell, I bet he even flirted with Iruma-chan of all people.”

“Hey, anyone would be lucky to have the chance to flirt with a girl with tits like these!” Miu shot. She paused and hunched over the table, avoiding eye contact. “But Suckhara wasn’t one of the lucky ones.”

“Nishishi! Not even someone with the flirtatious disease wants to flirt with you.”

“Shut the fuck up!”

Tsumugi stepped in before either of them could kick the other under the table. “Getting back on topic… I asked Akamatsu-san about it after school, but apparently Saihara-kun didn’t pull a kabedon on anyone else. He didn’t even use bad pick up lines on anyone other than Ouma-kun. It was all just compliments.”

“A kabedon?” Kokichi asked, wrinkling his nose. “Are you talking about something from your stupid weeb animes again?”

She furrowed her eyebrows. “We… We watch the same animes.”

“Anyway,” Rantarou said, “We should see for ourselves when Saihara-kun feels well enough to come back to school. No use gossiping about it without firsthand evidence.”

As Tsumugi and Miu grumbled in acceptance, Kokichi stabbed a pile of rice with more force than necessary.

 

* * *

 

Kokichi’s heart sped up as soon as Shuuichi stepped into the classroom a few days later, and he barely registered the elbowing from Tsumugi.

Kaede was the first to approach him, most likely with a welcoming and a rundown of what had happened in class the previous few days judging by the stack of papers in her hands. Shuuichi took the papers and thanked her while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, earning a smile.

The next victim was Kaito. He held a hand out for a high five, only to be hugged in return. He laughed and made a joke about hugging Maki, who unsurprisingly kept her distance from everyone following the news of the flirtatious disease.

Then he locked eyes with Kokichi and smiled, and all the wind was knocked out of Kokichi’s lungs.

“I’m gonna leave you with him,” Tsumugi whispered before leaving her seat to sit next to Miu, and they watched them from across the room.

Kokichi’s smile dropped. “What? No. Shirogane-chan, I swear to—”

“Hey,” Shuuichi said, sliding into the seat next to him. “Mind if I count shoulders?”

Counting shoulders? That made no sense, but what sense did a flirtatious Shuuichi make anyway?

“Sure, go ahead. I’m sure we’ll give Shirogane-chan a lot to talk about.”

Shuuichi chuckled at his sentence despite none of it being a joke whatsoever and counted his shoulders. “One, two…” Then he slung his arm around Kokichi’s shoulders and finished with a “Three, four.”

The physical contact made Kokichi’s heart pound so hard in his chest he was sure half the class could hear it, but maybe there was a way around this disease. Could out-flirting the flirter work?

So Kokichi curled up closer to him and shot him a smile. “Now I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel without lying.”

The soft gasp and no movement from the person holding him allowed Kokichi a moment to wriggle in his arms for a bit more freedom, but it was soon limited again when Shuuichi pulled him even closer.

“Can you feel my shirt? It’s made of boyfriend material. There must be something wrong with my eyes. I can’t take them off you. I was wondering if you had an extra heart, because mine was just stolen.” He continued shooting off the worst pick up lines Kokichi had ever heard.

Even though the pick up lines were cringey in every sense of the word, the genuineness in his voice made his face flush red and his throat constrict. There was something off about the disease, but there was nothing off about the way his crush held him in his arms like a long-loved teddy bear he couldn’t let go of just yet. But he’d be damned if he let the class see him lose his composure a second time.

“Very funny, Shumai,” Kokichi said, trying and failing to peel Shuuichi’s arms off him. “You need to let go. Class is gonna start soon, and we’re gonna get in trouble.”

“I checked, class starts in twenty minutes,” Shuuichi mumbled as he tightened his grip. “You can lie to me, but my eyes don’t. That’s why I see the prettiest person I’ve ever met when I look at you.”

Kokichi brought his scarf up to cover the resulting redness in his face. He couldn’t even lie his way out of this. But maybe it would work with a more extreme lie? “I have a boyfriend.”

Then Shuuichi released him and looked at him with the face of a kicked puppy, and his voice came out soft and heartbroken. “... Really?”

Well, now he just felt bad.

Kokichi forced a laugh out of his throat. “Nishishi! Just kidding! Man, I can’t believe you fell for that. Who would want to date me?”

“I would.”

He had to admit that was probably the smoothest thing that had come out of Shuuichi’s mouth so far. But then again, considering the sad pick up lines uttered just moments before, there wasn’t much competition.

So Kokichi settled into Shuuichi’s arms and decided to enjoy the moment while it lasted.

 

* * *

 

“I heard from a little birdy that the flirtatious disease gets more intense around people the patient finds attractive.”

“Shut up, Amami-chan.”

Kokichi and Rantarou were seated in the school’s courtyard for lunch, watching as the people around them mingled. The sky above them was blue and clear. It was the perfect weather to be outside. The only thing off about today was the person he was with.

“I didn’t say anything,” Rantarou laughed, holding his hands up in defense. “But the flirtatious disease is also caused by strong, seemingly unrequited love. You think the patient would act super flirty around their crush?”

Kokichi scoffed and stabbed at the rice on his tray. “Haven’t you learned not to trust anything on the internet? Come on, Amami-chan, you should be smarter than that.”

“But I asked the nurse and Tsumiki-senpai. They both told me the same answer, so I think the information’s correct.”

“What if they’re both wrong?”

“They aren’t.”

The two fell silent before Rantarou spoke again.

“But that’s just my thoughts. This disease has been going on for four days, right? You only have around three more days left.” He locked eyes with him. “But I think it’ll go on for much longer, by the looks of it. Just a warning.”

“... You’re awfully cryptic today.”

Rantarou laughed. “Yeah, I know. Anyway, Iruma-san was telling me about how the teacher docked a point on her project for neatness, so if you need more ammunition to make fun of her, there you go.”

“Oh my god, I’m totally making fun of her for that,” Kokichi said, his eyes sparkling. “You’re the best friend ever, Amami-chan!”

“Haha, sure.”

 

* * *

 

Shuuichi tapped Kokichi’s shoulder during a particularly slow day of math. “Hey, I’m lost. Can I have the directions to your heart?”

“Walk straight, take a right at the first intersection, then walk straight until you see the green glowing light,” Kokichi answered, keeping his gaze on the paper in front of him.

Shuuichi fell silent.

Then just as Kokichi thought he won, Shuuichi excused himself from class and took the directions. He turned around just long enough to flash a smirk at him before leaving.

Kokichi smiled and twirled his pencil. This was a challenge, wasn’t it?

He’d be damned if he let someone win the game he had been perfecting for years.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, you look just like my boyfriend.”

Kokichi furrowed his eyebrows at the person who had cornered him. “What? Shuuichi, you don’t—”

“Oh, sorry. That may have been future vision.”

His face reddened, and he turned away. “I think that was actually the worst pick up line I’ve ever heard.”

Shuuichi smirked and leaned closer to him. “And I think you’re smiling.”

Kokichi leaned forward, his heart pounding as their lips neared. “But  _ I _ think you’re late for class.”

“Is that supposed to be a lie?”

“Nope! You’re actually late for class.”

Shuuichi froze before backing away to check the time on his phone. His eyes widened, and he took off down the hall.

Kokichi laughed before realizing he was late for class as well. He shrugged it off and readied himself for another day of skipping class.

 

* * *

 

“Guess who!” Kokichi sang, holding his hands over Shuuichi’s eyes from behind.

Shuuichi smiled. “The cutest person I’ve ever met?”

“Nope! I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.”

“You can’t steal something you’ve already stolen.”

“Is that a challenge?”

Shuuichi whirled around in his seat and placed a finger underneath Kokichi’s chin. “Would you like it to be?”

Kokichi’s breath hitched. He turned away, mumbling something about needing to finish his homework as he willed the blush away from his face, and he shot a nasty glare at his friends laughing in the distance.

His chances of winning the war were seemingly awfully low.

 

* * *

 

The disease didn’t stop after a week had passed. In fact, it didn’t even stop after two weeks had passed. And at this point, Kokichi was getting dizzy from romantic gesture after romantic gesture.

“Why did Saihara-chan have a rose in his mouth today?” Kokichi mumbled, holding his head as he walked down the street.

Mikan giggled. “I-I think he may have found the roses from the courtyard. S-Saionji-san likes to step on them, but he may have found a bush that wasn’t stomped.”

“But it’s been two weeks! The disease should’ve stopped by now, right?”

“Right, but…”

Kokichi lowered his hand and turned to face her. “Do you have some weird medical thing to tell me, Tsumiki-chan?”

“No, it’s not that…” Mikan whined as she brought her hands together in front of her. “It’s just… th-the nurse and I haven’t found any of the despair disease in his system anymore. It—It’s all cleared out. Physically, he isn’t sick anymore.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Mikan paused. “I-I have a theory, but I have to ask you a few questions first. You can’t lie to me either if you—if you want an accurate diagnosis. First, how frequently does Saihara-san flirt with your classmates?”

Kokichi stopped to think. “Now that I think about it, he hasn’t been all that touchy with anyone else lately. Harukawa-chan’s been hanging out with him, too, so he’s probably not flirting much with them.”

“Um… is his forehead hot at all? Or is his body temperature a bit off?”

Kokichi’s face heated up at the memory of Shuuichi greeting him in the morning by bringing their foreheads together. “No, it’s not hot. It feels like a normal human’s.”

“So his flirting has only been happening around you?”

“Yeah. What gives?”

“... I can’t say,” Mikan said, bringing her hands to her heart. “All—All I can confirm is that there… there is nothing medically wrong with Saihara-san that would warrant that behavior.”

Kokichi stopped in his tracks, and her words processed slowly in his head. “You mean…”

“P-Please promise me you won’t do anything stupid. It—It worries me.”

“... Fine, I’ll try not to.” He bit at his thumb and frowned at the ground. “I’ll just have a little talk with him.”

“I-If I see either of you in the infirmary, I… won’t do much, but I’ll definitely cry.”

“Don’t worry about it, Tsumiki-chan.”

Despite his words, Mikan continued to worry, and Kokichi stewed in his thoughts, rethinking his experiences from the past week.

 

* * *

 

“You’re getting me alone?” Shuuichi purred as Kokichi shut the door to the empty classroom behind him. “How bold of you.”

Kokichi faced him with the blankest face he could muster. “Drop the act, Saihara-chan. If I’m being serious, you have to be serious.”

“Who said this was an act?”

“Many things.” Kokichi reached up to bring Shuuichi’s face closer to his. He scanned every detail on it, his thumb gliding over every patch of skin. After his investigation, he pushed his face back and crossed his arms. “Your face isn’t hot. Your skin isn’t flushed. Your eyes aren’t cloudy. You aren’t sick at all. Not to mention, you’re only treating me this way. If you really had the flirtatious disease, you would be flirting with everyone in sight. You don’t have any form of despair disease.”

Shuuichi fell silent, his previously seductive expression blanking. Finally, his lips trembled, and he spoke. “I’m… I’m sorry. I just thought…”

“Did you even have it to begin with?”

“Oh no, I definitely had it.” He scratched at the back of his head. “That… That wasn’t fun. I didn’t mean for all of that to continue either, it just… became a habit, I guess.”

Kokichi frowned, his fists clenching. “Is that really why you decided to single me out?”

“No, it’s—” Shuuichi cut himself off and took a deep breath before meeting Kokichi’s eyes. “I… I really like you. Like,  _ really _ like you. That’s probably the reason I got the disease in the first place. I didn’t know how to break it to you and after everything with the despair disease, I thought you would hate me, so Shirogane-san suggested—”

“That bitch was in on—”

“—that I try to hint at my feelings by continuing to flirt with you. Obviously, that wasn’t the best plan, but…” Shuuichi shrugged. “Again, I’m really, really sorry for everything. Were you… Were you uncomfortable at all?”

Kokichi paused to think.

The first few times were uncomfortable solely because he was caught off guard. Then as the weeks progressed, he found himself anticipating Shuuichi’s next move, and Kokichi woke up each day excited to catch him by surprise. It had become their own game that a few people giggled at but generally didn’t pay attention to.

But most of all, after years of giving affection, it felt  _ amazing _ to finally receive it in turn. He didn’t realize just much he starved for touch until he found himself missing the contact after it ended.

“... Ouma-kun?” Shuuichi called. “Please say something.”

Kokichi snapped out of his thoughts. “You like me, right?”

“Yes, I thought we established that already. It’s okay if you don’t like me back, I just wanted to—”

“And you want to apologize for everything, right?”

“Yes, I’ll do anythi—”

“Then go out with me.”

Shuuichi stopped. He blinked. “What?"

“Come on, you can’t be  _ that _ dense, can you?” Kokichi said, “Piece it together already.”

“You… You  _ like _ me? Even after all that?”

Kokichi laughed and booped his nose. “It was actually pretty fun playing with you, and I want to keep playing the game.”

Shuuichi smiled, his face softening at the laughter. “Is this your way of saying you want to go out with me?”

“Well, duh.” He giggled as he ruffled his hair. “You have a lot of apologizing to do, so you should make it up to me right now and take me out. I’ll only forgive you once you kiss me.”

Shuuichi averted his eyes and adjusted his hat before planting a quick kiss on the side of his head. “Is that enough?”

Kokichi pouted and nudged his arm. “Haha, Shumai. Very funny. But it has to be on the lips to count.”

“... Maybe later.” And with that, Shuuichi rushed out of the room.

“What? What do you mean by that?” Kokichi ran out of the room, chasing the laughter echoing down the halls. “Saihara-chan!”


End file.
